Let's be honest, after 45, your body changes and sometimes it's hard to recognize yourself in the mirror. Unfortunately, our wardrobe doesn't always keep up with these changes. Deep down we all feel like we are still 20, and wish we could eat anything and wear anything. Then comes the harsh reality and the realisation that some things we used to wear, suddenly makes us look like clowns. And not the funny kind, unfortunately (you know, when people laugh at you, not with you..)
So, the past couple of years I spent a lot of time judging myself, and others. You got to have a hobby, right? (My husband and I love to sit in coffee shops and criticize what other people wear, but hey, the family that roasts together, stays together.) So, here's a list that I found to be the worst offences. Having said that, you also have to keep in mind, over 45 you shouldn't really care what anyone else thinks, so if any of these below make you happy (except fur - that is not ok), just go ahead and keep wearing whatever you want. And don't take yourself too seriously; none of us are getting out of here alive.
These short monstrosities are wildly popular, and I’ll be honest, I simply cannot see any logical reason why would you buy and wear something like this. Are you expecting having to walk through a flood?
It makes you look shorter than you are, makes your legs look chubbier than they are, and it doesn’t work with anything.
Buy some pants where they didn’t try to save on the material. It will make you look leaner, taller and classier.
It’s just nasty, that’s all there is to it. Fur only looks good on the animal that was skinned, so you can wear something really ridiculous. You will be frowned upon if you don’t wise up.
If you are so desperate about the look, get some good quality fake fur.
Busy patterns, complex florals, large geometric designs
Nothing screams cheap, old and tasteless than floral on floral, or really busy patterns. It’s the trademark on lots of older women and you want to be a mature lady, not the old hag with the ridiculous dress.
Try some solid, neutral colours instead, even a not-so-expensive outfit will look more expensive and elegant.
They are basically tents that are sold in boutiques to dupe
people who don’t know any better. They are an easy pattern, so they are very quick to manufacture and generally the material is quite average.
Try to buy clothes for your shape instead. There are many websites that will help you determine your shape and recommend designs accordingly. So stop wearing tents.
Thongs (flipflops) and ugly old footwear
Let’s get one thing straight. Thongs belong on the beach and nowhere else. Don’t you dare being seen in them anywhere else. (The same goes for men, but that’s another story.) And, unless you have a medical reason, comfort is not everything. It’s important, but you have to find a balance between nice footwear and comfort. Ballet flats, chunky heels or classy flats will be very comfortable but also elegant.
Shirts with slogans and pictures
I don’t care that it’s Christmas, you cannot wear a T-shirt with Santa on it. Or reindeers or any such things. You are also not allowed to wear anything with a picture of your kids or grandkids, stupid slogans or logos. If I see you in a Bali or Bintang T-shirt, I will laugh in your face. These things are cheap and nasty and makes you look exactly that. Cheap and nasty.
Just go for a nice plain T-shirt and accessorize. Go crazy with a statement necklace or add a blazer or a scarf.
Unless you have the body of Helen Mirren or Michelle Pfeiffer, just don’t go there. Most of us are not that lucky, so give it a rest. No one wants to see your fat rolls up close and personal. Be careful with buying clothing online, a lot of them are see-through, as the material is cheaper. This won’t show on the photos online, but you will get a surprise when receiving your package.
If unsure, get some in-person retail therapy. Make sure that you put your hand under the material to ensure that it’s not too thin. Most garments are hung in a way that you won’t be able to tell, unless you put the material right on top on your skin.
Sportswear, tracksuits, hot pants, yoga pants… unless you are actually exercising
Just no. Seriously. I’m the person who laughs at people wearing yoga pants in shopping centres. I saw you just walking out of McDonalds, you are not fooling anyone. Just cover up that stomach with the two Big Macs and extra fries sitting in there.
Just wear normal clothes. Please. Unless you are actually exercising.
White wedding dress and veil
It’s uncomfortable. Maybe not for you, but for everyone else around you. No one wants to see a grandma wearing a white wedding dress and a veil. You will look like someone from a B-grade horror movie.
If it’s not your first marriage, you have kids, or you’re over 40, find a different solution. At least go cream, not white. I have also seen some beautiful blush pink wedding dresses, or any other colour that you like.
Or if you are a bit of an eccentric, like me, go for the full glamour and get a sequin dress and sparkle and shine.